The Story of Wee Willie Williams
Once upon a time, there was a little man named Wee Willie Williams. Wee Willie wasn't born like you and me -- he was assembled from discards, and this made Wee Willie very very sad.
Whenever Wee Willie encountered an item of which his many disparate parts resembled, he would get very excited. Wee Willie would approach the item and ask, with pleading fake eyes, "Are you my mommy?"
It was always the same. The item would scoff at the idea of procreating such an ugly thing like Wee Willie, and in no uncertain terms tell Wee Willie where he could get off. Bottled drinks would purposely shake themselves and laughingly spew all over Wee Willie. Empty cans of beer would entice Wee Willie to join them in the aluminum crushing machines. Plastic bowls would fool him into approaching open flames to "warm up." Wee Willie Williams was just about the saddest decorative object in the world.
Then one day Wee Willie Williams, in a desparate attempt to find his roots, became a digital image, and that digital image ended up on many, many computers all around the world. And many human beings saw Wee Willie, and took great pity upon him.
The human beings sold him ... like a slave. Wee Willie had mixed feelings about this, but he was willing to forgo his nascent political outrage in the chance that his life would change for the better.
The human being that bought Wee Willie Williams didn't really want him. Wee Willie was once again very very sad. One day the human being left Wee Willie at the front door of another human being, plastered with humiliating notes. Wee Willie felt like a carny wearing a sandwich board.
This other human being opened his front door early the next morning and saw Wee Willie Williams standing there, humiliated and shivering in the cold (ok, it's June, but if you were made out of bottle caps, you'd be cold too). The human being laughed. This did not make Wee Willie feel any better.
But then a miracle happened. The human being lovingly took Wee Willie Williams in his arms, gently peeled away the post-it notes, and brought him inside. Wee Willie heard something. It was a murmur in a language he had never heard before, but immediately understood. As Wee Willie was set down, his wall-eyed little head scanned the room, and he was overcome with joy. He would have wet his pants had he the means to do so (or even pants for that matter). THERE WERE MANY MANY LITTLE DECORATIVE OBJECTS ASSEMBLED FROM DISCARDS JUST LIKE HIM! They were his brothers and sisters.
Wee Willie Williams was home.